I read a lot of business books, but never have I read a business book that stopped me in my tracks.
That’s what happened when I read Darcy Luoma’s new book, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life & Business Success.
By all accounts, Darcy appeared to be living a charmed life. She had two beautiful daughters, and a stay-at-home husband who took care of the household so that she could focus on growing her successful leadership consulting practice.
Her life changed overnight when her husband was arrested for sexually assaulting a minor he had met online. He pleaded guilty and went to jail, leaving Darcy at the bottom of Mount Crisis.
In Darcy’s book, she writes about how she applied the principles of the Thoughtfully Fit business model she had created to her own personal situation. These principles were developed to help people get mentally fit to take on whatever business or personal challenges they may have.
The pandemic has been challenging for many and has resulted in mental challenges that no one could have predicted. Here’s an excerpt of my interview with Darcy, that reminds us that although we don’t have complete control over what happens to us, we do have control over how we respond.
What was the catalyst for creating the Thoughtfully Fit model?
I worked in politics twenty years ago and experienced protests, angry lobbyists, and disappointed constituents on a daily basis. I saw first-hand how someone’s impact was diminished because of their approach. (And I had my own disappointing relationships and conversations, because I didn’t act thoughtfully.) Overtime, I recognized that regardless of who I was working with, from front-line workers to entrepreneurs and CEOs, the challenges they encountered were essentially the same. Everyone deals with hurdles like feeling stuck, not handling ourselves the way we want to, or believing everything would be fine—if only someone else changed!
I created Thoughtfully Fit because these hurdles are universal, and they aren’t going away. However, there are plenty of ways to overcome them. You just need to train and practice.
What does it mean to be Thoughtfully Fit?
When you’re Thoughtfully Fit, you handle yourself thoughtfully in every action, reaction, and interaction. That way you can get back to doing what you do best, instead of reacting on autopilot, and then having to spend time cleaning up the mess later. Being Thoughtfully Fit means you’re aware of your thoughts and whether they’re serving you or sabotaging you. The sabotaging thoughts, or inner trash talk, doesn’t dictate your actions. Instead, you Pause and Think before you Act.
How does someone know whether or not they’re Thoughtfully Fit?
Our thoughts lead to our actions. And our actions lead to our results. Our thoughts can either serve us (leading to thoughtful actions and strong results) or our thoughts can sabotage us. If you’re aware of your thoughts, and are able to choose what to do next, that’s a good sign you’re Thoughtfully Fit.
When you’re Thoughtfully Fit, you’ll still experience conflict, challenges and adversity, but you know how to handle it—so it doesn’t feel as hard. And you don’t waste your time and energy dealing with the mess from not handling yourself thoughtfully in the first place. You focus on what you control so you can get back to doing what you do best.
You went through something quite traumatic, which you share in your book, Thoughtfully Fit, and you say that being Thoughtfully Fit helped you overcome this crisis. Can you share a bit about that?
In March 2016, Thoughtfully Fit officially came to life after years of research. Five days later, my ex-husband was dragged out of our house in handcuffs by a SWAT team—arrested for sexual assault of a minor he’d met online. I was suddenly faced with unimaginable challenges, and my lawyer told me not to talk to anyone about anything. I became ground zero to test drive Thoughtfully Fit first-hand in my own life. Thoughtfully Fit became my lifeline to navigate the challenges my daughters and I face. My family and I wouldn’t be where we are today without it.
What advice do you have for other people who are struggling?
Sometimes it just helps to remember that everyone has struggles. It’s not a competition of who has it worst, but everyone has their own hurdles they need to clear. Don’t judge yourself for your struggles. Those are sabotaging thoughts that don’t move you forward. You also don’t need to pretend the hurdles don’t exist (or that because someone else has it worse you shouldn’t complain). Sometimes life throws us tough situations, and it’s also sabotaging when we tell ourselves everything’s fine when clearly it’s not.
Regardless of your struggle, recognize those hurdles and explore your choices. Engage your Thoughtfully Fit core. Hit the Pause button. Think about what you need and then Act thoughtfully—both with yourself and with others.
The story you share in your book about your husband's shocking arrest must’ve been difficult to relive as you wrote this book. Why are you choosing to open up about this painful chapter in your life?
It honestly took a while for me to feel comfortable opening up about what happened with my ex-husband. I just recently—within these past two to three years—started sharing my story. Telling it now, in my own words, makes me feel empowered in that I have the opportunity to help others who may be struggling to overcome their own Mount Crisis.
Who will benefit from reading Thoughtfully Fit?
This book is for anyone and everyone. While I do talk about how I applied my model to the challenges I came face to face with. It is also meant to help with the everyday struggles we all face—experiencing burnout, having difficult conversations, or simply struggling to get out of bed in the morning to go for a run. This model will benefit everyone.
What is the one thing you want people to take away from your book?
While there are some things that are out of our control, there are also many things within it. We always have a choice and when we choose thoughtfully, we can create a positive impact in our lives and the lives of those around us.
Given what we’ve all been through over the past 18 months with the pandemic, what would you suggest people do to maintain their mental fitness when the world around them feels like it’s falling apart?
Again, it really comes down to checking in with yourself. Taking the time to create new awareness about the struggle you are experiencing. The key to doing this is engaging your core and asking yourself some thoughtful, open-ended questions. Here are a few that I typically use:
What choices do I have at this moment?
What’s giving me energy? What’s depleting my energy?
Where am I feeling stuck? What’s getting in the way?
What skills or support do I need to move past these obstacles?
What small step can I take to move forward?
As Darcy reminds us, it’s your story. It’s your journey. You get to write the ending. Here’s to being Thoughtfully Fit and controlling what you can in life.
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Becoming Thoughtfully Fit - Forbes
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